From Obligation to Intention: The Power of Values-Based Self-Care
Self-care has become a familiar term in therapy and wellness spaces, so familiar, in fact, that many clients find themselves brushing it off. “Yes, I know I should do self-care,” they say, “but when I’m busy, stressed, or exhausted, it just feels like a nice idea, not something I can actually use.” The problem often isn’t the concept of self-care, it’s the way it’s framed. What if self-care could be more than a spa day or a guilt-free afternoon off? What if self-care could be aligned with what matters most to you, your values, and tailored to your life, routine, and the person you want to become?
Why Values Matter
In the context of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), values are described as chosen life directions, how you want to show up in relationships, work, leisure, and personal growth (Dahl, 2015). When self-care is disconnected from personal values, it often feels superficial or hard to maintain. As Campoli and Cummings (2024) found, when self-care activities move individuals toward what matters (rather than simply away from pain), engagement and mental health improve. In a behaviour-analytic article, Fiebig et al. (2020) encouraged practicing self-care with the same intentionality we apply to any valued part of our lives: “Being a whole person in all that you do.” Bressi and Vaden (2017) also urged us to reconsider self-care as an ethical and relational act, not simply a self-indulgence.
What Values-Based Self-Care Looks Like
Here are 4 elements to the approach:
Identify your values: What matters most to you? Connection, creativity, learning, resilience, service, play?
Choose self-care activities that align with those values: If connection is a value, a self-care activity might be a meaningful lunch with a friend, not just scrolling social media.
Schedule and adapt them into your routine: As Campoli et al. (2023) described in their “Values-Based Self-Care” intervention, self-care habits become sustainable when they’re manageable and integrated into life.
Check and revise your plan. Self-care is not static: As books like Lakshmin’s Real Self-Care (2023) emphasize, self-care evolves as we do.
How this differs from “traditional” self-care
Standard self-care advice often reads like a checklist: “Take a bath, go for a walk, journal.” These suggestions can feel disconnected, like items you should do, not things you care to do. Values based self-care shifts the question from What can I do to feel less stressed? What can I do that moves me closer to who I want to be? For example, imagine someone values creativity. Rather than forcing a “relaxing walk,” they might spend 30 minutes sketching at a café. It becomes self-care because it resonates. Then, when life gets busy, the memory of that value-based activity can help them choose something feasible rather than skip self-care entirely.
Making It Work For You
Here are practical steps to get started:
Reflect on your core values: write down 3–5 themes that matter to you right now (e.g., “learning”, “connection”, “health”, “nature”, “kindness”)
Brainstorm self-care activities that embody those values. Don’t worry about “big”—small wins matter
Commit to one or two activities this week that you will schedule
Track how you feel before and after the activity, not via “should I feel happier?” but “did I feel aligned?”
Revisit next week: what felt good, what didn’t, and how you can adjust.
Why This Matters
When self-care is aligned with values, you begin to build a self-care identity: “I do self-care because it reflects who I want to be,” not because you must. Campoli et al. (2024) found that those who linked self-care to values described themselves as “a person who does self-care” rather than someone who tries. In therapy settings, aligning self-care with values supports engagement, sustainability, and self-regulation. It helps clients move out of cycles of neglect or guilt around self-care, and instead into meaningful, personalized acts of caring for self.
At Vaughan Counselling and Psychotherapy
If you’ve tried self-care before and found it patchy or uninspiring, you’re not alone. At our clinic, we work with clients to tailor self-care to your values, lifestyle, and goals, not to prescribe a generic one-size-fits-all list. Whether your values point to connection, challenge, play, or growth, we’ll support you in building a self-care practice that fits you. If you’re curious about building values-based self-care, one that lasts, resonates, and supports your wellbeing, let’s talk. Self-care doesn’t have to be a luxury; it can be a deeply meaningful, accessible part of how you live your values every day.
References
Bressi, S. K., & Vaden, E. R. (2017). Reconsidering self care. Clinical Social Work Journal, 45(1), 33-38. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10615-016-0575-4
Campoli, J., & Cummings, J. A. (2024). "Becoming a Person Who Does Self-Care": How Health Care Trainees Naturalistically Develop Successful Self-Care Practices. Journal of medical education and curricular development, 11. https://doi.org/10.1177/23821205231223321
Fiebig, J.H., Gould, E.R., Ming, S. et al. An Invitation to Act on the Value of Self-Care: Being a Whole Person in All That You Do. Behavior Analysis Practice 13, 559–567 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40617-020-00442-x
Lakshmin, P. Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (2023). NY: Penguin Life. pp. 37, 197, 226.