The Five Love Languages

The five love languages were first presented by Gary Chapman, an author and radio host, in 1992 and became a focus of research in social psychology. The idea that Chapman presented was that humans have five general love languages, and that everyone has their primary way of receiving and giving love. To aid in figuring out your love language, Chapman created a quiz which can be found through this link: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love- language.

What are the five love languages?

Words of Affirmation

Words of affirmation are kind, positive, encouraging, supportive, and humble words that allow the individual to know that you are appreciated, loved, and respected. An example would be telling your spouse that you found the meal they cooked to be delicious, and you appreciate the work they put into it. This not only shows that you are complimenting the meal, but you respect the time and effort that went into cooking it.

Quality Time

Quality time is defined as time where you give someone, or receive from someone, your undivided attention when spending time together. It is more than watching television together or cleaning the house together, but more so engaging in time where you focus on one another.

For example, going out to a restaurant for dinner and staying engaged throughout the meal; no cellphones, no focusing on things around you, but having conversations and looking at one another.

Receiving Gifts

Receiving gifts represents being given something that you can physically hold and think that this is something that made them think of you. The gift represents the thought that led to the buying or making of a gift. It is meant to show that they are not only thinking about you, but finding something that you will like and appreciate. It’s the thought that counts.

Acts of Service

Acts of service go beyond helping around the house, even though that is part of it. It encompasses the actions that you know your partner would appreciate you doing so that they could feel less burdened but also respected and cared for. Some examples would be, making the bed every morning, making a card for a holiday rather than buying one, picking up dinner so that you both get a night off from cooking, etc. It’s going beyond the shared responsibilities and showing that you can think of one another’s contributions and give more sometimes so they can take on less.

Physical Touch

Physical touch is more than sexual affection. Physical touch is all forms of physicality that can transpire between people. From a young age, mothers and fathers hold their babies, embrace each other, kiss their children. It’s one of the most obvious and simple forms of showing affection. Sexual intercourse, hugs, kissing, holding hands, removing hair from someone’s face, cuddling on the couch, having an actual shoulder to lean on while crying – these are all forms of physical touch that can show love and affection.

Why are they important to know?

By knowing your love language for giving and receiving love, it can make relationships easier in the sense that instead of fighting because someone is not giving you love the way you want it because they don’t know, you can let them know the way you like to receive love. This creates the opportunity for a conversation on love languages and how to work together to show each other love and appreciation for one another.

Considerations

It’s important to remember that this is a generalized version of love languages. There are more specific ways you way conceptualize your love language.

Link to Therapy

The five love languages can play a part in couple’s counselling, family counselling, and individual counselling. This can be used with attachment therapy, emotion-focused therapy, and family systems therapy. At Vaughan Counselling and Psychotherapy, there are many therapists who would be able to work with you to learn about your love language and how it can play a role in your life. Some to consider would be Rasha and Zahra and you can call 647-267-9853 to book a free consultation with them.

References

Chapman, G. D. (2010). The five love languages. Walker Large Print.

Cook, M., Pasley, J., Pellarin, E., Medow, K., Baltz, M., & Buhman-Wiggs, A. (2013). Construct validation of the five love languages. Journal of Psychological Inquiry, 18(2), 50-61.

Egbert, N., & Polk, D. (2006). Speaking the language of relational maintenance: A validity test of Chapman’s Five Love Languages. Communication Research Reports, 23(1), 19-26.